A Letter to Congress

January 9, 2012

Dear Congress:

          I'm writing to express my disappointment in you and in the rest of the government of the United States of America. Not only have you failed to fulfill most of your campaign promises, you have also let partisan bickering interfere with your decision making. It used to be that this country's major political parties could at least agree to disagree. It used to be there were statesmen in our nation's capital--men and women willing to compromise for the sake of the greater good. Nowadays you'd rather point accusatory fingers at each other and put the blame on the President than admit to caring solely about yourselves and special interests than about your constituents. I'm sure you know that Americans tend to be sensible people and that we understand that practical solutions to healthcare and immigration reform are few and far between. However, Congress' inability to work together to propose anything even remotely practical leaves most of us disgusted and angry! Instead of spending millions of dollars on getting yourselves reelected, how about you earn the high salaries we pay you? How about you try to win back the respect you've so totally lost? You weren't sent to Washington to commit adultery, to play the role of pork-barrel politician, to earmark extra funds for self-aggrandizing schemes or to fly around the world for personal reasons, all at taxpayer expense. Another Christmas has passed and we're no closer to peace in the United States, let alone everywhere else! And the gap between the poorest among us and the most wealthy among us is wider than ever. There continue to be gender and racial inequities in all aspects of our daily lives, but Congress is especially notorious for being a network of white male millionaires who have completely lost touch with what passes for reality for the majority of Americans! We're willing to forgive a few youthful indiscretions, but outright stupidity will no longer be tolerated. I hope you can get your collective act together before we ask the nation's zoos to replace you with chimpanzees. At least when chimps fling poo they're a lot more fun to watch!

A New "Astrology"

January: Black Eyed Peas

Not to be confused with the overblown pop group that is slated to sing at this year's halftime show for Superbowl XLV but, instead, the curiously spotted bean eaten for good luck on New Year's Day. Folks fortunate enough to be born under this sign are uncannily able to pick winning bingo tickets and lottery numbers. Representing all too well the great month of January (besides Nixon and Elvis) are Joan of Arc and Rasputin, hee hee!

February: Onions

For the month that sets us to stalking a Pennsylvania woodchuck, hankering after heart-shaped boxes of chocolates AND contains an extra day every four years, one might expect it to be represented by artichokes or something a bit more exotic than an onion. However, artichokes are more like flowers than vegetables and, though they do, indeed, have "hearts", they're as overblown as a certain pop group when it comes to actual bang for the buck. Onions, while somewhat aromatic, are multilayered, multifunctional and mysterious. James Joyce and William Burroughs perfectly represent all aspects of this unique symbol, as does Gypsy Rose Lee--do I really need to explain this one? LOL.

March: Acorn Squash

It's often noted that big things come in small packages, so pretty much ANY squash would be an acceptable vegetable for such a schizophrenic month. Indeed, March has a sordid history of great violence and bloodshed (think Boston Massacre and The Holocaust), as well as a rollercoaster history of other "special" occurrences (think Exxon Valdez and the Dow Jones hitting 10,000 for the first time ever). Therefore it should come as no surprise that Dr. Seuss, Albert Einstein, Lady Gaga AND the two male stars who played Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock--were all born in March. Yikes!

April: Radish

I need to be careful now, since I was born in April lol. To T. S. Eliot, "April is the cruelest month...." and, whether you spell cruelest with one L or two, it certainly seems to demean a perfectly down-to-Earth month for the mere sake of starting off some rambling, disjointed literary endeavor. Although, it _is_ hard to believe that April gave us both Shakespeare AND Hitler--but, isn't it the way of the universe to vex the bejesus out of us? That's why the humble radish is such a perfect avatar for all things Aprilian. It takes a little effort, but once plucked from its bed, rinsed and sliced, it brings new life to old salads and zing to formerly dreary meals. Or not. My point is, let's not quibble about a little dirt when there's so much more beneath the surface!

May: Yam

This may (no pun intended) seem like an obvious choice, but even wacky, creative people like me need to make obvious choices every so often lol. Besides, a sweet potato is more than a fitting emblem for the potentially squishy month of May. Not to mention folk beliefs in fertility symbols such as Maypoles and cures for impotence by eating of a phallic yam. As befits both the phallic and squishy imagery, Sigmund Freud and Liberace share May birthdays. You think I'm kidding? Heck, Clint Eastwood and Walt Whitman were born on May 31st!

June: Cauliflower

When I started delving into the possibility of creating a zodiac, or astrology, of vegetables, I had no idea where it would all lead. I'm only up to June and my brain is having a hard time assimilating everything I've learned so far! For instance, celebrity birthdays in June include Marilyn Monroe, William Butler Yeats, King Edward VIII of England--AND, mind you--his mistress, Bessie Wallis Warfield, who is better known by her married name, Wallis Simpson! Gracious sakes! Such an eclectic mix of actors, authors, musicians, sports legends--nothing short of a cauliflower is a sufficient vessel to hold them all. Even mathematicians have studied cauliflowers and have obtained something called a "fractal dimension" (http://icpr.snu.ac.kr/resource/wop.pdf/J01/2005/046/R02/J012005046R020474.pdf), which can be used to create a wide variety of abstract images. Who knew?

July: Broccoli

As with June, the month of July boasts a large number of fascinating celebrities who fell off the stork's cabbage delivery truck while July still held sway. But broccoli is a better symbol for them lol. From J.K. Rowling to Daniel Radcliffe, P.T. Barnum to Lizzie Borden, and Franz Kafka to Herman Hesse, I can think of no better vegetable than broccoli to attach to such a diverse group of poets, priests, painters, politicians, tennis players and other plenipotentiaries. In fact, since most of us never see broccoli except in grocery stores--and most of us never eat it except in restaurants and from veggie trays--I recommend surfing the web for pics of the actual PLANT, rooted and alive, the more fully to appreciate this amazing feat of cultivation!

August: Celery

Virtually useless in terms of nutritional value, Celery is the perfect choice for the month that serves up such famous birthdays as Barack Obama's and Jerry Falwell's. It also comes as no surprise, at least to me, that both David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, late of the X-Files, share birthdays in August as well! Thank goodness the likes Lucille Ball, Jerry Garcia, Cecil B. DeMille and Alfred Hitchcock balance out the likes of Andy Warhol, Hulk Hogan and Macaulay Culkin lol. One can only hope that, given enough fiber, these things, too, shall pass.

September: Asparagus

I can put it off no longer--September has to bring us the dawning of the age of Asparagus! It is, after all, considered to be somewhat aristocratic, and the current queen of England was born on September 7th! Throw in Hugh Grant, Truman Capote and Twiggy, and there's no better choice. It also seems to be a good month for people with other food items in their names: Edgar Rice Burroughs, "Jelly Roll" Morton, Meat Loaf, Claude Pepper and, if you count the salad, Sid Caesar! By the looks of things, yours truly should have been born in September. Lily Tomlin, Bob Newhart, Peter Sellers, JoAnn Worley, Jeff Foxworthy and even the master cartoonist Chuck Jones, all share September birthdays! Either that or their parents had nothing better to do the previous December!

October: Bell Pepper

October is a difficult month to assign a sign to. I've decided on the bell pepper because it isn't quite as spicy as its cousins, but I can think of nothing else that quite captures both the apparent zinginess and blandness of some of the well-known people who have October birthdays! In their respective heydays, Dawn Wells, Suzanne Somers and Fanny Price may have been considered "hot", but what about Jimmy Carter, Sting and Gore Vidal? Looks aren't everything, of course, and many people are stoking big fires within them. People like Donald Pleasance (who starred in all those Halloween movies), for instance. Speaking of Halloween, does it surprise YOU that two news anchors share that birthday? It surprised ME a bit to see Dan Rather and Jane Pauley in the list! What's the frequency, Kenneth?

November: Carrot

If WWII carrots contained enough vitamin A to allow British airmen to see and, therefore, shoot down Germans in the dark, this is the perfect vegetable for a month with a penchant for darkness. You'll think I'm joking, but you can do your own research and I'm sure you'll confirm that Eddie Rabbit was born in November--too funny! Also born in November--and, again, you'll think I'm joking--the ill-fated, but brilliant (pun intended), Marie Curie. But as for Gordon Lightfoot, it's a darn good thing he's Canadian, or I'd say his parents lied about his birthday lol. Other luminaries include Claude Monet, Georgia O'Keefe and the somewhat aptly named (depending on which hemisphere you inhabit) Jonathan Winters.

December: Spinach

There's no way I'm leaving spinach out of my veggie zodiac! Not only is it admired as a source of iron and calcium--hence "strength", it's just WAY too bizarre that Christmas Day is not only shared as a birthday by Jesus, the Christian Messiah, but also Isaac Newton, Robert Ripley and Rod Serling! Believe it or not! So, while the hoity toity astronomer/scientist types are trying to palm off an extra sign of THEIR zodiac, I'm willing to simplify things even further with MY list of "Veggie of the Month" signs. Until or unless another month is added to our calendar, why should we let all those pesky billions and billions of stars determine our destinies? Carl Sagan would undoubtedly be proud to proclaim himself a Carrot (born Nov. 9th) as much as yours truly is comfortable being a Radish. It is, after all, just another label; another meaningless label that doesn't even have to pretend to tell us how many calories each serving contains!

THE GRAVITY OF DEPRAVITY

For whom do peacocks preen when lost from view
And Nature's bloodshot eyes, alone, can see
The vain, haphazard things they choose to do
And how they live and whom they choose to be?
Consigned, like so much flesh, to eat, to breed;
To fear both fox and hawk, beware the breach!
To sing, like wind and rain--expand, recede--
And learn to hate life's tears that seldom teach.

The world's our mirror, too--we know too well
We're seldom lost from view, unheard, unseen.
And life's voyeurs observe--unearth to tell
Of grander tails more irridescent green:
Observe, so more than watch, their senses bent
On pending falls than any fool’s ascent!

D. S. BIGGS
May 2nd & 3rd , 2010

FOUR OF X

There’s more than minds can say or words can think,
But hearts decide our thoughts and love defines
The lines that spill as blood, or tears, or ink--
While souls decide what hides behind the lines.
As patterns change, so, too, the warp, the weft,
As texture goes from rough to smooth to rough!
There’s never just what’s right, there’s wrong, there’s left--
Of dreams for what’s too much than what’s enough.
As chaos comes, come, too, our doubts, our fears
Of all the dark loose ends--those fraying threads--
That somehow can’t be snipped by knives or shears,
Like all the grey split ends on aging heads:
The heads that vanquish threats while writing wrongs
In works of art like pointless little songs!

D. S. BIGGS
March 14, 2010

CONTINUING THE CYCLE

The signs all point one way, but life persists!
And love upholds mere flesh like dreams pursued;
Pursued, like light and heat, yet come such mists--
And love accepts all fears like hopes renewed.
We live to chase our days, but work abides--
And love consumes our nights like hearts endure
The season’s ebb and flow, life’s changeless tides
That hound us as we swim from shore to sure.
Like dogs that gamely bob their paddling way
To game that Death has marked with bloody dye,
We swim against a tide that calls us prey--
And seek for what may come to find out why
The signs all point one way, but love insists
We make the most of all its turns and twists.

D. S. BIGGS
March 6, 2010

FOR WANT OF A SPARK

We live Life's anxious here, Love's vibrant now,
And smile the while at bygone miles betwixt
Our distant hearts that bear not guilt, nor fear
The daily course Night's distant stars have fixed....
To ride Life's breakneck horse, Love's careworn mule,
And weep the while for wasted weeks well past
Some promised point of Hope's unreached renew'l
Of sinews on the bones that Fate has cast;
Of bonds that bind mere souls beyond all time
To span unending years and still connect
Our distant hearts by dreams--by reams of rhyme--
And selfless acts of patient, kind respect.
We sing Life's timeworn song, Love's lilting theme
And laugh that love had seemed some distant dream!

D. S. BIGGS
February 27, 2010


A PANEGYRIC TO COFFEE

In all this whole, wide world, I love caffeine--
That wake-up jolt that starts more hearts than lust!
And all from one small plant, one roasted bean
That crawled, like human flesh, from ancient dust!
I sing dark java’s praise, laud latte’s froth--
And thick espresso’s buzz for late-night hauls;
To burn life’s midnight oil and stave off sloth
While inspiration’s rife--and Nature calls!
A lot can be too much, that’s true enough--
When daylight breaks and bladders crave relief.
But who can blame us fools who quaff such stuff?
Our lives are much too brief and Time’s a thief.
So brew a few kind thoughts for coffee’s joys,
Whose bitter song fills mouths with joyful noise!

D. S. BIGGS
February 28, 2010

AFTER ST. VALENTINE’S DAY
--For my darling Laura

My heart, at last, knows love--how free it feels;
How free to seem so trapped yet so at ease!
As if, though once I crawled, I’m now on wheels--
Or once, though bound by chains, now life’s a breeze!
A breeze that wends Love’s maze but won’t grow lost
For trusting dreams while playing out love’s thread;
A breath to give love wings and melt the frost
Of lonely, drawn-out years of aimless dread!
A dread that fouled my thoughts and soiled my mind--
That once had seemed so free and yet was chained!
As if, with both eyes wide, I tumbled, blind--
As though, though clothed in light, but night remained;
Remained, but banished now--bright sunlight reigns:
My heart, at last, knows love and wears love’s chains!

D. S. Biggs
February 15, 2010